So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
