so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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