Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
