The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
