i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
