Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize