why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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