Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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