I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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