I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
