Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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