dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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