these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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