then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
