You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
