Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
