his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
