in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
3pm strippers are depressing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
