BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
