it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
