you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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