Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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