I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
