as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
