8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
