Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
