Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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