i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
