are you still at the devil's house?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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