part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
