Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
