You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
