i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
