I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize