i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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