it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
