If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
