We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize