Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
