Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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