the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize