im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
