Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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