Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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