So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
