remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
