I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
