im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
only if we run a train.
done.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i've created a new STD.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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