end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
