dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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