so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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