We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
