Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
