ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
