I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
