Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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