I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
