Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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