and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
