I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
