the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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