Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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