Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
