All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
